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Hang in there Captain

Updated: Apr 25, 2020

I keep seeing posts about how we are not in the same boat and I just couldn't agree more. We are definitely not in the same boat, you can try to jump ship when you don’t like your boat or judge someone else for not having as shiny of a boat as you, but when it comes down to it, it is not the boat that will make the captain beautiful, it is the captain that creates the beautiful boat.

I started in my boat that didn’t quite know what in the world was going on.

Then when the girls’ spring break was extended a week, my boat was filled with the OK maybe I need to actually start watching the news or read something about this Corona thing.

Then everything was cancelled and social distancing became a thing and I went into the, I guess you could say-my boat filled up with panic, anxiety, fear and confusion.

Then real homeschool came in, it felt like a million messages were being sent with websites, usernames, passwords, assignments and zoom meeting times. This is when my boat started to seem too small for what it was holding. But I felt strong and like I could absolutely drive this boat and I would do it well. The first week was good and the girls kind of enjoyed it. I felt so good about all of it, my boat stayed afloat but man I was exhausted and felt like I just sailed around the world.

Then the second week hit and it was not as good, especially that Monday-my boat did not work well on Monday. It was a bad day. I was a bad mom. I cried, I was overwhelmed, angry, sad, lonely, frustrated, I was nothing good. This is when I realized my boat was so, so different. I talked to some friends who couldn’t understand how I felt so busy, stressed, and overwhelmed, it seemed some of them had relaxing little pontoons just floating along, some had yachts filled with shiny, happy things and then there was mine that felt like it looked like a rikety old thing that should have been tossed.

The week went on, we completed what we needed, but overall I felt like my boat was sinking. The rough seas were taking over. There was a big hole in my boat all week and my paddle thing didn’t work so I had to try so very, very extra hard to keep that boat afloat. But darn it I did. I did not jump ship, I stayed in that stupid boat all week, the boat stayed afloat, I got the heck off of it as soon as the week was over.

It's the same boat I have been in forever but right now it just seems extra hard to keep afloat. There's no such thing as finding a new boat for my family, it won't change the waters we are in, and well I would still be the captain. Right now the seas are rough and they may not change for a little while, I knew I could not let this boat go through what it did last week because I wasn’t sure I had the strength to keep it from sinking anymore. As captain of this boat I needed to make some major changes. This boat was not perfect. But it worked and it was my job to keep it afloat. I decided that if it got a hole in it, I would patch it up, sometimes it happens quicker than others, I still have to paddle extra hard at times, but once I get it back up to the surface, I patch it up and keep going. If I can’t patch it up quick enough, I pull over and take a break so I can have the strength to patch it up.

I haven’t gotten off this boat. I’m still in it. Its full of patches, some dings and dents here and there. I didn’t put all of these patches on it myself though. My kids, husband, friends and family have all helped (sometimes they help put the hole in the boat AND patch it up). They have all helped me build this beautiful boat. It may not be pretty to everyone, but its mine and I’ve grown to like it. It has character, grit and a story to tell. For now, it’s still working pretty well. Each day it stays afloat a little longer or a little smoother before needing a patch. Some days it still starts sinking, but I try to pull over before just throwing a patch on it too quickly. Some days I don’t even need to patch it up it just goes, which is pretty cool. As patched up as this boat is, this one was made for me. You know what, even if the boat changes, the same captain is driving it.

Whatever kind of boat you have, I hope you start seeing it as more and more beautiful. But more importantly, I hope as captain of your boat, you keep learning how to work it better, keep it afloat for longer periods of time and most importantly pull it over when needed. It is not the boat that makes the captain beautiful, it is the captain that creates the beautiful boat 😊

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